Goodbyes Are Never Easy

Well, this has been a short-lived project..
I've decided to stop blogging- or at least with this blog. I feel that an explanation is needed and that is exactly what this post is..

I feel like previous posts are completely written by someone else and that they are not really who I am. They do not portray the real me. I do enjoy blogging and it is a relief in my day but it feels too dishonest to keep posting about things I do not really feel or believe. And so, instead of lying to you I'm going to be honest with myself and maybe try "find out" who I really am. To be honest, I have no interest in that right now. I'm a little self-centered and materialistic (or immature) at the moment and I'm just gonna live life like I was intended to.
So goodbye....

The Other Side Of Me

Alright, I have created a sort of alter-ego called Allison. Basically, I've started a new blog about a fictional teenage girl. She experiences some of the same problems that I do, and others are thought up from pure imagination or based on friend's stories.

Read the crazy things she endures, and tell me if you enjoy it!
I'm too lazy to write a book, so this'll have to do...
Read all about her right here...

Bitch, This is MY Territory

This one is kind of in collaboration with my previous Issues,

“What the actual hell am I thinking” I thought to myself as I invited the guy I may or may not be interested in, to come SPINNING with me.

Spinning at Flywheel is STRICTLY my time. 45 minutes of escape from the real world. As soon as I walk into that room, everything is focused on my magic number of 200 (the total number I HAVE to reach) and on nothing else. It’s where I push myself to extremes and find strength in me I didn’t know I had. It sounds cheesy but “FLYing” has become my life. And here I am, inviting someone into my private world… Furthermore, the only guy I wanna be focusing on during my FLY time is Don, the instructor.

I quickly created some bullshit excuse about why he couldn’t come anymore. However, I think the real issue at hand (or progression) is that I let someone in for once. I shouldn’t have commitment issues at my age, and I don’t have daddy issues either but as you read, commitment is not my thing and neither is letting people close enough to try and make me commit.. and here I am, welcoming them to what is MINE (possessive much?)

Anyways, I’m still trying to figure out the thoughts behind my action.. I’ll be sure to let you know when I find out

Complaints: Blessings in Disguise

Below is a list of things I constantly complain about. I’ve decided enough is enough. I can't complain anymore when there's nothing to say. Following the complaint, is something I’m blessed to have. So, the next time you’re gonna complain think about how lucky you are.

I'm hungry - I’m not starving

I'm tired -  I have a bed to sleep in

I have so much work -I’m lucky enough to have an education

I can't afford those designer clothes - I have clothes to cover me when I’m cold and to protect me

My car is so dirty - I have full mobility of my legs

My phone is a piece of shit - I have the opportunity to contact others immediately

I look so bad - I can see

I'm cold - I’m not living on the streets

I’m hot - I have clean water to keep me hydrated

I live so far from everything! - I have a home

Take this into consideration… I believe happiness is what you make out life to be and if you stop complaining for a second you’ll realize what a beautiful world we live in and just how fortunate you are

We Want It All... But Do We Really Want It?

I have a big problem in my life… I think I know what I want but in reality I have no friggen clue. I say it weekly, probably even daily. It’s my usual whiny routine of “I want a boyfriend!”

Why I say that I have no idea whatsoever. I know that I am completely fucked in the head and have no business bringing boys into it to experience the craziness that is me. I have “tried” to be in a committed relationship before and lets just say it didn’t end too well. And who can blame me?! I’m sixteen, why do I have to be tied down? High school years are the years you’re meant to enjoy and I see my friends with their boyfriends and all the drama that __surrounds__ them. I think I want a boyfriend, but then the universe presents an opportunity and guess what I do? I kick the universe in the balls and say “ME? I am NOT ready to be in a committed relationship.” I have an expiration date of about a week for how long I can keep interest in something or someone for that matter.

Don’t take this out of context; I have no desire to have a boyfriend just because I don’t want one. It’s NOT a promiscuity problem (trust me on that one).

I think I want boyfriend but in all honesty, I’m fine not being with someone 24/7. It sounds self-centered but right now I only have time to worry about me, not care about pleasing someone else. This finally came to light last night when I was catching up with a friend and “I care more about spinning than I do about boys” accidentally slipped out. Whatever, I have what I need in life. Cheers to good friends, family and the occasional NONSERIOUS fling ;)

Have a good week,

Maayan

Procrastination NATION

Procrastination has always been one of my weaker yet most evident traits. Referring to the title, I can procrastinate enough for an entire country. But when I can no longer put something off, I crack down. And I’m 100% serious about it. For example, the post before this one took me FOUR whole days to write because I would write bits and pieces at a time. I’m not sure if my procrastination is due to the fact that I lose interest in a project in 5 seconds or just complete apathy, but either way it brings me down and I know I’m not the only one who’s got a problem like this.

So, maybe this time I’ll take my own advice (I never do, and I don’t think ill start now, but its worth a shot) but you all should give it a try do this. When you’re putting something off, think of the immediate consequences, think of the long term consequences and decide whether it’s time to get serious. If that still doesn’t motivate your lazy ass to do something then JOIN THE CLUB.

The "Maayan" Belief System.

 No people, I'm not talking about the ancient civilization of the Mayans here, I'm talking about me...

I've always been a little bit weird about my religion and beliefs. I'm being raised Jewish, I celebrate Shabbat dinners, observe the holidays, and have been Bat-Mitzvah-ed but for some reason, throughout the years I have differed on my beliefs a little bit. Until high school, I attended Jewish schools. I had prayer in the morning, no after school activities on Friday, nor school obligations on Saturday and especially got days off from school for the Jewish holidays, even the least significant ones. But I have found that my belief has faltered a little since I came to public school. I still remember how on my first day, I was caught off guard. I was supposed to be heading to the auditorium and pray now, something I so dearly had faith in. I eventually got used to the fact that the bell that dismissed me from first period did not also signal for time for devotion. It was just another bell.

I don’t know what it was that changed my devotion to G-d but I do know that I hate it.  It scares me that I conveniently “decide” to believe in G-d when I need someone to get better, or someone to blame. I would LOVE to believe that there is a divine being that overlooks everything and hears our prayers and decides our future 24/7. But right now that doesn’t look like its gonna happen soon so I believe in myself instead. I am the only one who can decide my future by acting on the now. I can't change whether my sick friends get better or whether my loved ones stay healthy but what I can change is whether I’m happy or not, and I can do that by changing all the deciding factors in my life. Maybe in a few years, I’ll mature or something will change. But till then, I can’t be blamed simply for not believing in something.

Have We Changed? Who Are You Now?

People always ask if I want to go back to South Africa, and all I respond with is "Just to visit." And honestly, who can blame me? I have a great life here. I have opportunities, great friends, an amazing education... I love living here and although I miss South Africa dearly, I'm scared to go back... Even just for a visit.

Now I don't mean scared of the crime. I haven't spoken to any of my friends in a very long time. I've never been good with keeping in touch. I can't help but think that if I went back for a visit it would be weird. Would any of them even remember me? Of course my old "best friends" would but how do I know it won't be weird. I haven't spoken to some of these people in over 2 years, and if I have, it was always a quick catchup consisting of "How are you's and I miss you's." I have changed immensely since I lived there 4 years ago and visited 3 and they have too!

I can't know for sure what it will be like and I guess it's OK to be scared. I'll just have to trust that things can go somewhat back to normal, even if it's the hardest thing to do...

Perfect Sense

Take the Advice...

Signs

Bear with me… This is a lengthy post but hopefully worth it.

People ask god, or the universe to send them signs ALL the time. The problem with that is that oftentimes, they don’t realize when the signs are sent.

Although I haven’t seeked any guidance or “signs” from either god or the universe lately, today I inadvertently found myself receiving some.

I bought the most beautiful bracelet from Henri Bendel. I was just immediately attracted to it. It had no significance, I just happened to be in the store and I liked it so I bought it. Later that night, while looking at it with my sister, we decided to make each of the symbols on the bracelet mean something or hold some sort of significance. Firstly, I think it might be a good idea to share with you what is on the bracelet…

On the white enamel of the lustrous gold there is a star, skull, heart, eye, present, Henri Bendel logo and finally a safety pin

The Star

The star reminds its holder to shine through whatever situation you’re in. No matter who’s with you always remember this. You outshine everyone

The Skull

In Mexico, there is a holiday called “Dia los Muertes” which celebrates and honors the dead (with the skull as its emblem.) This symbol represents the fact that we need to remember all the good moments and all people you’ve shared those moments with. But keep in mind not to dwell on the past, as there is no use. You Can't Change it.

The Heart

The heart is there as a reminder to keep yours wide open and to be filled with love and appreciation. Simple enough.

The Eye

This can be interpreted in 2 ways. I like both equally. In Judaism the eye is a symbol that is meant to ward off evil. I’ve also interpreted this eye to mean that you need to keep your own eyes open, and pay attention to all the beauty that we are surrounded by. Appreciate it more often.

The Present

I had a lot of trouble choosing one meaning for this emblem but in the end it was clear… The gift brings surprise to your life. It brings constant amazement and revelation when needed. It keeps life fun and upbeat. Embrace the unknown.

The Logo

Brand names… When I hear Henri Bendel the first thing that comes to mind is fabulous and luxurious… With this logo comes affluence and class… Who can't resist that? Indulge a little.

The Safety Pin

The final token, and my favorite. The safety pin brings everything together. Just as it seems like your life is falling apart the safety pin is here to help and ties everything together. Accept the help.

So hopefully with everything this bracelet holds, a little bit of its greatness will be transferred to me.

Shitty picture but nothing wrong with a little visual representation

Right Time To Take Risks

Taking risks… it can vary from skydiving, to hanging out with a new group of friends to something as simple as a style change. In my case, it’s the latter.

Today, I decided to buy a new pair of bold orange heels. In terms of shoes, black, white and nude have always cut it for me. I’m scared of bright colors and different things but today walking in Nordstrom’s, in the spur of the moment I saw the fluorescently colored heels and for some reason I was attracted to the riskiness of the hue and fell in love with the fact that they were different. The “joie de vivre” that they seemed to bring along with their exuberance was enough for me. Literally, the most color change that my shoe closet has seen in the past 2 years are the blue sneakers I bought (And even those are more grey than blue). And now after taking a minor risk of trying something new, my beautiful vibrant shoes lie in a sea of neutral shades. Like I said, I get a little bit addicted very fast, so I can't wait to see what other changes lie ahead.

Just a little taste of what I'm talking about...

So, whether it’s trying a new food, new shade, or new style its always the right time to take risks. Because honestly, what’s the worst that can happen?

What Does The Universe Have Lined Up For You?

The great moments of your life wont necessarily be the things you do. They also wont be the things that happen to you. I’m not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, because you do. And you will. But never forget that on any day, you can step out your door and the universe will change your life forever.

You see, the universe has a plan. And that plan is always in motion.

It’s a scary thought but it’s also kind of wonderful. All these little parts of the machine, constantly working. Constantly making sure that you end up exactly where you’re supposed to be, exactly when you’re supposed to be there

There are so many possibilities that its mind-blowing to think how a chain of events, how for every action there will be a result. Everything that you do will lead up to how your life will ultimately be. What if instead of going to your favorite restaurant, you try some place new and meet the love of your life? What if you oversleep and therefore don’t get into your car at 8 am and your life is spared, because earlier that day there was a terrible crash? What if you don’t get into the college of your choice, but while you’re at some other college, you meet the people who will eventually mean the world for you. Do you see what I mean? Do you understand the impacts of everything you do? Like I said, it seems scary, but trust me, the universe knows what its doing…

** Some of this text was loosely adapted from How I Met Your Mother "Right Place, Right Time."

Right Place, Right Time

After watching a handful of friends and family struggle with relationships these past few days, a thought came to mind. If it doesn’t work out, there’s a reason. I’m not a firm believer in nature or in god for that matter but I do believe that the universe has its way of making things work out for the better.

One of my friends has a dilemma between which guy she should choose. One is in another state; the other is just a straight up DICK (she realizes this, but has yet to act upon it) . Today, while we were at lunch I decided to tell her what I really think of the situation rather than trying to be a supportive friend but lying to her. “Rach, you can’t lead them both on. You have to decide and trust that your decision is the right one. If its not, there’s a reason for it.”

She responded with “I definitely do not have the balls to do that. I don’t even know where to start.”

I took out a quarter from my purse and told her to choose heads or tails for each guy and once she decided we flipped. It landed, and I chose not to tell her what it was, but rather to ask her to think “In that moment, when the coin was flying in the air, did you know which side you were hoping for it to land on?” She laughed, and realized what she had to do.

I don’t have any experience whatsoever when it comes to relationships. I’m not a therapist, I’m not some guru… what I am though is a believer. If it’s the right time, the right place, the right situation, things will end up how they were meant to and you can't fight that. Let the world take its course and live your life. Don’t dwell on the unchangeable or the unknown and just live.

Let the Good Times Roll

If there’s one thing that I’m 99% sure of it’s that everyone loves to have a good time. And I’m no exception. This past week was spent with family, new friends, and amazing people… all in the phenomenal Caribbean. Filled with laughter, memories and relaxation, this past week was one of the best I’ve ever had and all I can ask for is that the next 52 this year are just as extraordinary.

As Shirley and Lee once said, “Let the good times roll.” With that being said, I ask of you one thing. That is for you to make the best of your situations and really just try to enjoy yourself. After all, you only live once…

Introduction to My Life

I know that you're usually supposed to start blogs off with this post, but I'll contradict myself and say "FUCK TRADITION." Anyways, It's here now, so why not have fun with it?

I don't know what compelled me to start a blog, I personally don't find myself that Interesting but I'm up for new things. Knowing me, this project will probably be done by the end of the week but I'll see how it goes.

In order to understand some of my posts, I find it Important that you understand me, as the writer. I am a 16-year-old girl who was uprooted from all that I knew in the primitive country of South Africa and flown to Boca Raton, where I reside with my parents, 2 sisters, a brother and my dog and turtle. I had to say goodbye to my 7 cousins, 2 grandparents and all of my precious friends so that I could have a life of opportunities and safety. Of course, this ordeal has changed me as a person and completely changed my experiences. I have the ability to compare the lives of a third world countries children to the life that I currently live (luckily enough for me). Often times, this scares the shit out of me, but all that I can do is look forward. 

If I had to describe myself then... wow if I had to describe myself. I think about this often. What traits do I possess? The first would definitely be contradictive. I'm lazy, yet extremely school oriented and conscious. I’m Indecisive, Inappropriate and passionate... to a point. I'm a little bit obsessive yet I tend to lose Interest very quickly. A lot of these seem like negative traits and I guess they are, but all together they make up who I am. And I like to think that I'm an aright person.

So, there you have it.. I'm Maayan, and this is my blog.. Enjoy

The Wall.... Of Shame?

Tradition tells us that a new year is a time for change, a time to do something different in your life. Today, as my first order of business, I took down the words written on my wall. “Don’t worry, Be happy.” They seemed harmless at first but truth be told, this morning when I was deciding what I was going to  change about my room, the first thing that came to mind were those stupid words. I don’t need anything or anyone to tell me what to do, and especially how to feel. It’s ok to not always be happy, you have to experience other emotions as well, but the actuality of it was that I didn’t need the words to tell me to be happy… because I already am. I know, its cliché all this self-realization bull on January 1st but I couldn’t resist. I guess what I’m trying to say is DON’T let others control you or your feelings. Don’t even try to control them yourself. Feel what you feel and let nature take its course. So, heres to a new year, heres to a new attitude.